#but today was very much 'hey tell me about this quicksand huh'
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#kirby#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#va appeal hearing was today#not a fun time to have to try to granularly recall everything that. yknow. permanently destroyed my body and mind and life.#probably went fine? definitely cried in front of the judge but everyone was super cool about it.#also thank god my wife was there they let her give testimony as both my wife and as a doctor#(which she is)#(obviously)#but like I'm still So Sick and it's all this up and down and we're still fighting to get stabilized so I usually don't have time or energy#to like stop and look around at the quicksand I've been keeping myself afloat in this whole time#but today was very much 'hey tell me about this quicksand huh'#and it's just like a lot to deal with yknow#I'll be fine it's just A Lot#anyway shoutout to the folks who are either kind or nosy enough to read my tag rambles all the time lol#(the actual decision will still take up to 2 more years btw)#(hopefully not! but they said it could)#(although apparently a board denial isn't the end of the road anymore which is news to me)#(maybe they changed it in the 44 months since I filed for the appeal hearing lol)#(not a typo)#favorites
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Wynneâs Birthday Diary - Lunie Laurenze
"I really hope they make it here on time. But the chances seem to be so thin of them even arriving considering our relationship is...... convoluted" I sighed, placing the cookies inside. I was really regretting why did I even plan this for her. And why am I stressing out so much because of it. All of this was fucking frustrating and tiring to me.
"Chillax, Winnie. Lunie will definitely come. Her sister promised me that" The brown haired man propped his legs on the table in front of him and relaxingly leaned behind the couch.
I sighed, turning to the laid-back person with crossed arms. "Lunie can force her mind onto Ink very easily. Sad thing is that even after you literally bribed Ink with shiny sparkling feathers to bring her sister here, who knows if she would succeed" I coolly replied.
"You.....You saw that?!!" Nathan (@utopia-t) stiffened, and there was a pink tint on his umber cheeks.
"Yes I did. Very disgusting of you to greed a child like that" I teased him, a smirk on my lips. Nathan turned even more pink by my mockery, but then he scrunched his nose and growled and slammed his fist on my poor couch.
"Hey! First of all, I am older than you. I know what is right and what is wrong more than you. And two, bribing is not wrong. It's just like business. You just get extra good stuff out of them just like that. And Ink surely deserves some spoiling" he defended himself.
I chuckled and went over him to sit beside him, patting his shoulder. "Relax, Dear. Of course there is nothing wrong in spoiling kids over good jobs done. Just don't make it so frequent. You would then owe them a lot that you won't be able to even repay".
"Ugh jeez Wynne. Of course I know my limits. I practically raised two kids by myself, come on!!" He threw his hands while I rolled my eyes.
"Right right. And also let one of them almost choke in the quicksand" I smirked at him even more, and just like I expected, Nathan turned even more pink and speechless. I then started laughing heartily and wipe the tears of joy from the corner of my eyes.
"Stop, Damnit. Stop teasing me" he snarled. He has his fist balled up again and I could see his veins pulsating in his arm. Though it was far from scaring me, I obliged to his request.
"There there, calm your nerves down. We don't want you smashing my lovely table on someone's birthday, you know" With a wide threatening smile I rubbed his shoulders.
"Tch whatever, Woman" he punched my shoulder lightly, earning a laugh from me. Salette was really lucky to have a brother whom you can tease 24/7 but won't lift a finger on you. The only difference is that I on the other side was in a bit danger, but that's alright. It's not that I am scared of his mindless threats. Also I heard that he likes to charm women?? Hmmm....how am I not surprised haha!!
"Ugh you should be lucky that you are cute. Otherwise I would not have hesitated to destroy your fancy expensive house" Nathan huffed. I raised my eyebrow, glancing at him as he rested his head on the couch and behind his arms.
"Pardon me. Cute???" I asked from minor bewilderment.
"Ummm yeah. That's what I said" he replied.
I stayed silent, still not opening my mouth. Nathan clearly noticed it as he clicked his tongue, annoyed.
"Oh come on. You heard me nicely. You have clear ears" he elaborated. But still that didn't solve my problem.
Nathan then being the stubborn impatient kind grabbed my shoulders and pulled me closer to him. My hands landed on his chest with a thud and my eyes jerked up, a gasp escaped my lips.
"So you don't believe me huh, Blueberry?" His crimson eyes looked directly into mine. Oh no.........
"E-Excuse me?? But what do I have to believe??" The confusion was still on my face. But then it all got sorted when he lifted my chin up, our noses touching and our lips just inches away.
"Want me to tell you?" His whisper, huskily reached my ears. This just made me even more nervous than before.
I gulped, adjusting my position, but he was holding onto me by my waist now. He had a stern grip. It seemed impossible to withdraw.
Nathan closed up to me, our lips were almost going to meet. I wasn't ready for it, but didn't hesitate to close my eyes as well and brace for the kiss. The tension was hot, it was hitting my skin and arousing goosebumps on me. Nathan looked like it wasn't affecting him, because of how he still had his hold on me and his hands weren't shaking like mine.
I was not scared, I was rather bubbling from anticipation of what would Nathan do, but my expectations were destroyed when we were interrupted by the tingling classic London chime.
Of the doorbell.
"Oh fucking goddamnit!!" Nathan cursed, letting go of me and slumping back on the couch. While I just blinked twice, trying to get my system back, and then got up to walk to the door.
"Excuse me Dear" I simply sighed. Poor Nathan. I actually felt bad for him. I promise to compensate his disappointment later.
But nonetheless, I opened the door, and being half-surprised to look at the visitor, I greeted both of them.
"Well Good Evening Ink, Lunie" I said. Lunie (@boiling-potato), as usual, dismissed my salutation and looked away with a 'hmph', but her sister on the other hand, happily returned the hello.
"Good Evening Wynne! It's really good to see you. And you are looking really nice today ^w^" said said. This lit up a smile, as I let both of them com inside my house.
"Why thank you Dear. It's lovely to hear from you too" I grinned back, closing the door. Hmmm....it was kind of warm outside. Maybe due to spring change.
"So....why are we here again??" Lunie crossed her arms and looked around. She sounded as if she was forced to arrive here. Nothing out of unusual at all, actually.
"We are here to celebrate your birthday, Lunie! Wynne and Nathan organised it for you ĂwĂ" Ink replied. Lunie was unamused, as she just sat on one of the couches and kept her head on her hand, disinterested.
"Whatever" she said. I didn't even care actually, because I had already given up and tired. Jeez, edgy kids these days.
But suddenly Nathan appeared behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. He had a bright smile on his face.
"Hey come on now. It's your birthday! Birthdays are nice! You get to party, have fun with friends, get drunk and might even find a nice boy to-"
Before he could even say anything further, I slapped his mouth shut. Seriously this man bitch doesn't even know how to talk to children sometimes. Ugh Stupid Human.
"And do what?? What do we do with a nice boy OwO?" The ravenette asked. Oh shit, here we go again. Come on Wynne, think of something.
"W-We just greet him a good night, that's all haha!" I smiled at her, but on the inside was boiling from pique.
"Oh! Ok! ^w^" Ink thankfully didn't question it further and settled down. I then let Nathan go, glaring at him for a second, before I went to the kitchen to get the cake. I knew Lunie didn't want to stay here much because of how much we both pissed each other, so I wanted this to get over with quick.
Meanwhile I kept hearing Nathan talking with both Lunie and Ink. He kept entertaining them with chats and jokes, and was doing surprisingly well. That was good. Looks like it was a nice idea to bring him over. Otherwise it would have been pretty awkward if I was by myself.
"What's a cat's favourite colour??"
"What? -_-"
"Ooooooh what OwO??"
"Purr-ple!!"
"ರ_ರ"
"HAHAHAHAHAHHAA nice one, Nathan (â§â˝âŚ)"
Hah......dorks...................
Soon the cake was brought on the table, and the birthday girl was settled right in front of the spongy dessert. The cake had the flavour of chocolate cookies and sugary cream, and it was adorned with dark chocolate musical notes. The cake was white and dark brown, and it had seventeen blue candles on it.
"........The cake looks good" For the first time I heard Lunie saying one positive thing for the whole day. It brightened my mood quite a lot, and so with Nathan. Since we both were the ones who made the cake, and our star for tonight was satisfied. And nothing else could have fulfilled us more.
"We are glad you liked it" I replied. "Thanks Lunie! I hope you would love how it tastes too!!" Nathan beamed. Ink was amazed by the cake, her eyes were literally sparkling. It was adorable to watch. Lunie just nodded to us, as she closed her eyes next, ready to make her wish.
"Let's get this over with" and then she blew the candles.
Happy birthday to you~
Happy birthday to you~
Happy birthday Dear Lunie~
Happy birthday to you đđđđđ~
The cake was cut, and was shared. We all enjoyed the dessert. It was pleasantly sweet, not too sugary and not too bland. It was perfect with the soft cream and cookie crunch.
Ink was the happiest one among us all. No surprise again. She loved the cake and the other food me and Nathan had prepared. And she had a lot of fun during games and the present time.
And speaking about presents, Nathan gifted Lunie a recipe book of making different types of desserts. So that she could be self-reliant and learn how to bake what she loves. I actually knew the book, because my father used to have it. Obviously he never followed it, and even if he did, something always went wrong. Lunie seemed pleased though, and that's all that mattered.
At last it was my turn to gift her. And for my part I had given her a navy blue oversized shirt with white musical notes. Come on. Fashion is how I roll, and considering Lunie loved baggy clothing, I had to create one for her with every love I can put into it. And to be candid, I had much delectation with weaving every fibre of it, and truly hoped that she would love to wear it once.
Lunie might be unnecessarily audacious, however she was still relatable to me because she somewhat felt like myself. Those broody eyes, that lethargic expression, the introverted testy approach, reminded me of me. All I had to say was, Lunie is like my sister too. No matter how much we hated each other's guts.
But the most surprising thing for today was how Lunie actually enjoyed the occasion. She said that it wasn't too loud or crowded, and it was rather diverting and a nice distraction from annoyance. This was of course a compliment, even though Nathan didn't look really satisfied by it haha!
But I had fun. And so did the others. The rest of the night went well, with all of us chilling and talking about the early days and future nights. At the very present. All of it together.
#the arcana#the arcana game#fan apprentice#wynne toprak#arcana mc#arcana apprentice#arcana oc#ink#lunie#lunie laurenze#đĽ#nathan dahab#what I wrote
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So hereâs a little thing I threw together just now to explain this shot, and because Sunpie is kind of my guiding light now. Itâs set right after the end of Forgotten Friendship. Hope you like it! (And donât worry, only implied naughtiness is to be found here. Quite SFW.)Â
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Sunset Shimmer was humming as she slipped her new yearbook into her backpack, slipped it on and left the darkened classroom. Her heels clacked on the floor, echoing through the empty halls of Canterlot High as she made her way out of the nearly deserted school. She was really looking forward to going home, making herself something simple to eat, gaming for a little while, then going to bed nice and early.
In her life, Sunset had had a lot of really, really bad days, and a few really, really good ones. And this was going to rank pretty high on the latter list. First off, of course, even days later she was still riding the high of having won her friends back and restoring their memories. And in the process sheâd made two new friends in Trixie and Wallflower. And all the work sheâd put into the Yearbook Committee had payed off...really, today had been her victory lap. One of the most pleasant and fulfilling days sheâd ever had.
âHeeeeeey Sunset!â The bright call broke through Sunsetâs quiet reverie, but not in a bad way. Sunset was, in fact, pleasantly surprised to see Pinkie Pie waiting by the front doors to the school, bouncing up on her tiptoes and waving.
âHey Pinkie Pie,â Sunset briefly lifted on hand in greeting before grabbing onto her shoulder strap again. âWhat are you still doing here?â
âWaiting for you, silly!â Pinkie chirped cheerfully. âI thought maybe youâd want a little company on the way home.â
âThat sounds great! Letâs roll.â Side by side, the two of them left the school and headed down the sidewalk. Pinkie was humming musically, and there was nothing strange about that, but Sunset couldnât help but feel like there was something up. Pinkieâs gaze kept flitting everywhere except towards Sunset, and on the rare occasion that Pinkie did look at the other girl, she quickly darted her eyes away when she realized Sunset was looking back.
âIs...everything okay, Pinkie?â Sunset finally asked.
âYep! Everything is just one million percent perfect!â Pinkie grinned and nodded, but a second later she bit her lower lip. âBut, um, there was one tiny little thing I wanted to talk to you about, if thatâs okay?â
Sunset pursed her lips. They were walking by the park at this point, so she grabbed Pinkie by the wrist and led her towards a park bench. The flame-haired girl couldnât help but notice that when she touched her pink friend Pinkie seemed to tense up all over, almost like she was ready to run away. But Pinkie allowed herself to be led to the bench, and sat next to Sunset, her knees bouncing. âSo whatâs up, Pinkie? You seem a little upset.â
Pinkie started at that, her nearly omnipresent smile faltering as she looked at Sunset in surprise. Then the smile returned, a trifle hesitantly. âYouâre really good at that empathy thing, huh?â
With a little shrug, Sunset just smirked. âI dunno...I think I just know you well enough to know when somethingâs not quite right. But really, whatâs up?â
Pinkie closed her eyes, took a deep breath, then started talking incredibly fast. âSo you remember when everyoneâs memories of you got erased and we all forgot that you were a nice person now and one of our very best friends and you managed to figure out Wallflower Blush was the one who did it and when you faced her down your memories all got erased and we decided you were telling the truth about being our friend and we helped you mmm mmmm mmm mmmph!â Sunset put a gentle hand over Pinkieâs mouth and the pink-haired girl finally stopped.
âYes, I definitely remember all of that, Pinkie,â Sunset said with a smile, lowering her hand.
âRight...guess so.â Pinkie said with a slightly embarrassed look. âAnyway...when the Memory Stone broke, and we all got our memories back...it felt so good to suddenly remember youâd been our friend all this time. But...â Pinkie clasped her hands together, holding them between her knees and looking down at them. âBut um...the first thing I remembered...the very first thing that came back was...um...â She closed her eyes and sighed. âThe one thing we decided we should forget.â
âWhat do you...â Sunsetâs eyes widened. âOh...â
Several Months AgoâŚ
It was Applejackâs birthday, and Pinkie Pie had outdone herself throwing one heck of a rootinâ tootinâ party in the Apple Familyâs barn. The music was bumping, people were dancing and laughing and enjoying all manner of appley sweet treats that had been prepared for the birthday girl.
Sunset, however, wasnât feeling very good at all. Winded and thirsty from her time on the dance floor, sheâd drained two glasses of cider in very quick succession. In retrospect, theyâd tasted a bit...off. And now she was sitting on a haybale with her eyes shut. Everything felt like it was spinning, but when she opened her eyes she was seeing double, and that just made it worse.
âSunset...Sunset!â Grimacing, Sunset opened her eyes and tried to focus on Applejack, who was standing over her with a concerned expression. Pinkie pie was leaning against her, a rather dazed grin on her face. âDang it, Sugar Cube, did you get some cider from that orange punch bowl?â When Sunset nodded in the affirmative, she could see Applejackâs jaw clench. âI swear, if I ever find out who spiked that Iâll...â The blonde girl sighed and put a hand on Sunsetâs shoulder.
âListen Sunset...like I said, someone spiked that cider good. I think you and Pinkieâre the only ones who got hit this bad. I think I should take you back to my room at the farmhouse so yaâll can sleep it off. That sound good to you?â
Sunset felt like she was trying to think her way through quicksand, but she felt like Applejack was making sense. So she nodded, and her strong friend hoisted her up and carefully half-carried both girls out of the barn. They got to the farmhouse without incident and Applejack explained the situation to Granny Smith, who made both girls drink a big glass of water before packing them up to Applejackâs bedroom.
âAlright girls, Granny Smithâs here if yaâll need anything...â Applejack said once Sunset and Pinkie were laying in her bed. Â
Sunset lifted her arm in a limp, careless wave. âYeah yeah...you should go back,â she mumbled, turning her face into her pillow.
âSunsetâs right,â Pinkie slurred. âBappy Hirthday, Jappleack!â AJ hovered over the two of them for a couple more minutes, but finally went back to her party.
When she left, closing the door behind her, silence reigned for some time. Then Sunset felt fingers running through her hair, and heard Pinkie giggle softly. âPinkie?â she murmured, turning her head towards her bunkmate. Pinkieâs eyes were luminous in the moonlight streaming in through the window, and there was a little grin on her face.
âYou have the prettiest hair, you know that? I love it so much.â Pinkie said in a rush.
Sunset felt her face warm at that. âTh-thanks...yours is pretty amazing too...â Sunset reached out to pat Pinkieâs own pink, puffy mane, then paused as her hand encountered something solid. She pulled a small canister from Pinkieâs hair and squinted, trying to make out the label. âWhat is...sprinkles? You keep sprinkles in your hair?â
Pinkie giggled drunkenly. âWell duh! I need them for the cupcakes!â She reached into her hair, pulled out a cupcake with white frosting, grabbed the canister and gave it a thorough coating of sprinkles. âSee?â She popped it into her mouth and belched. âWhoops, âscuse me.â
Sunset stared at Pinkie for a long moment, the burst out laughing. Helpless giggles turned into deep, resounding belly laughs that shook her entire body and brought helpless tears to the flame-haired girlâs eyes. âOh Pinkie...Pinkie PieâŚ!â Sunset gasped between laughs, covering her face with her hands.
As her laughs finally died down into a little bust of giggles, she found that Pinkie had come to lay right beside her, her arm over Sunsetâs waist and her head leaning on Sunsetâs shoulder. Sunset could smell Pinkieâs hair, and the cotton-candy scent brought her light-headedness back in full force.
âYou have such a great laugh, Sunset Shimmer,â Pinkie said in a very soft voice. âI think I love making you laugh best of all. I feel like you need it more...you didnât laugh at all for such a long time.â
Sunsetâs breath caught in her throat as Pinkieâs words brought a different kind of tear welling up in her eyes. But she smiled through them and wiped them away, wrapping her arms around her friend and squeezing softly. âThen...then Iâm the luckiest girl in the world to have you around,â she said, just as softly. âBecause you always make me laugh, Pinkie Pie. Youâre amazing.â
Pinkie stirred, shifting herself up slightly until her face was level with Sunsetâs. The whole world seemed to hold its breath as the two girls looked into each otherâs eyes. âWe...shouldnât...â Sunset breathed, tilting her face up.
âNo...we shouldnât...â Pinkie agreed, lowering her head and bringing her lips to Sunsetâs.
Back to the PresentâŚ
Sunset closed her eyes as the memories rushed back. Everything past that point was a blur...lips...hands...soft touches, ragged breathing⌠She hugged herself. When theyâd woken up the next morning, each one barely dressed, feeling rather hungover and unwell, they both agreed that theyâd never, ever speak of it, ever again.
But here they were. âPinkie...we were both drunk. We didnât...â This time, Pinkie placed her hand over Sunsetâs mouth. The pink girlâs eyes were liquid, but there was determination there as well.
âSunset...I know we were drunk.â Pinkie said, lowering her hand. âWe didnât really know what we were doing. We never would have done it if we werenât. But ever since I got my memories back, I just keep thinking about it, all over again. And now...now...â She timidly reached both hands out and took one of Sunsetâs. Pinkieâs hands were shaking, but then, so were Sunsetâs.
âMaybe it wasnât the right way to do it, and maybe we would never have done it if we werenât both drunk...but does that really mean it was totally a mistake?â Pinkie asked, her heart in her eyes. âI meant what I said, Sunset. I love to make you laugh more than anyone.â
âPinkie...â Sunsetâs fingers twined through the other girlâs. She felt tears pricking at her eyelids. âThe way you make me laugh...itâs the best magic Iâve ever known.â
A rather shaky grin appeared on Pinkieâs face. âSo...so thenâŚ?â
âYes,â Sunset replied. She leaned in, and caught Pinkieâs lips with her own. Once again, the whole world seemed to be spinning around them.
Sunset had had a lot of really, really bad days, and a few really, really good ones. And this one was the very best.
#MLP#equestria girls#sunset shimmer#pinkie pie#Sunpie#sunsetpie#fanfiction#shipping#i ship it#ship#lesbian#shoujoai
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Uchitama 7 - 8 | Eizouken 8 - 9 | ID: INVADED 8 - 11 | Iruma-kun 22 - 23 (FINAL) | BnHA 82 - 83
Uchitama 7
Lemme guessâŚthis is the ve-Yep.
The name of this segment is Ottamake. The ke means fur/hair, but it does seem like itâs referring to Tama otherwise.
For some reason, Bullâs really into catsâŚ
LOL, you can see the cat food right there is a real brand. I dunno how they got away with that.
Hmm, this show has something to say about idol businessâŚand it does it better than some of the human idol shows! That says something.
It even comments on the âgraduationâ system. Whaddaya know.
Welp, I never thought an anime could pull off this with a commentary on gender presentation, to boot. (Itâs not as pervasive as Stars Alignâs, but itâs still one of the better ones. I guess I shouldnât expect it as a norm though.) I thought Kai was a dude though and so Bullâs interactions came off to me as massively gay. Iâve been thinking, maybe heâs pan? Can dogs be pansexual???
Why do I get the feeling Kai is going to be introduced into 3-chome? Update: Doesnât happen.
This song sounds very idol-like.
Uchitama 8
AwwâŚI feel like weâre going to learn Noraâs backstory soon. I think itâs going to be real sad.
âŚYup, there goes my kokoro. Smol Nora is cute~!
Genki can mean âhealthyâ as well as âenergeticâ â the latter is why itâs translated as âspunkyâ.
Why do I get the feeling Noraâs owner diedâŚ?
Oh, smol Nora has a bandaid on his leg.
Let me ask the essential furry question â they hav human ears and animal ears. Which of those sets of ears do they hear with?
Yuuki Kaji does a good job as Nora.
This songâs so sad, it almost got me crying⌠Â
Eizouken 8
This anime is like something from Studio Trigger!
The magic of Eizouken is that you get sucked into the anime they make and never look back.
Tomodachi vs. nakama, I think it is.
Id: Invaded 8
Lately, Iâve been thinking about practical cosplay (everyday wear that also doubles as a cosplay outfit). So basically, Iâve been thinking about Sakaido and El-Melloi IIâs outfits a lot, since theyâre rather practical while still looking cool. All Iâm missing for El-Melloiâs outfit with the red jacket is a black button-up shirt, for El-Melloiâs outfit with the black jacket Iâm missing a red scarf and Iâm missing a brown button-up shirt for Sakaidoâs (although the yellow scarf I got today to get one step closer to two of those isnât the right mustard colour, itâs more of a lighter yellow).
Also, I noticed itâs (according to the katakana) meant to be âId: Invadedâ, but heck, itâs been ID: Invaded for so long for me, I donât care either way.
Kiki was born in Fukui.
I always thought Mister Fixer sounded sad and now I think I know whyâŚthe bit I remember the most (the line that goes âMister Fixerâ and the bit around it) sounds like the singer is lamenting their life. Now that I see the visuals again after a few weeks (Iâd get fatigued if I watched all that Fate/ and still managed to keep up with simulcasts, so Iâve been taking the simulcasts in a few eps at one time), Mister Fixer does quite sound like a crime drama song, but not as much as Thought I Knew (from Stand My Heroes).
Iâve seen images of Anaido and Sakaido in the same well for a few weeks now, so this cooperation bit is no surprise at all.
I believe Fukuda is asking why Narihisago is a âsan to her even though theyâve worked together a while.
The words âdata profileâ are in one corner of the titlecard.
Does Anaido remember who he is in the ID Well? I presume not, but itâs hard to tell since we havenât had as much time with him as we have Sakaido (not to mention Iâve been regularly filling my head with Fate/ and other things as well latelyâŚso itâs hard to remember).
Itâs interesting. Fukuda has the same piercings as Anaido (and even a ring on one pointer finger that matches them!), so he mustâve tried experimenting withâŚmore legal holes, to put it one wayâŚbefore getting his most iconic one.
Kaeruâs nails are chipped. Hmm.
In #Brake-Broken, which I read the first chapter of earlier (thereâs a sample on the Young Ace website), Sakaido notices he doesnât have a phone with him to call anyone or a licence (because in that manga, he wakes up in a car). Itâs likely this will work the same way and Anaido wonât have any possessions on him, aside from the clothes on his back, accessories and the item that was stolen from his wrist/s.
Rings on both fingersâŚso I should be talking about them in plural. Update: I like how Anaidoâs off-the-wall thought processes break up the inherent seriousness of Sakaidoâs deductions and utilitarian way of doing things.
Anaido, you grimdark f***er. Update: For trying to eat a dead girl.
Okay, so for the sake of my practical cosplay, I knew Iâd need this episode. Sakaido wears a long-sleeve brown shirt with some kind of shirt under that (either brown or black), plus a mustard-coloured scarf. (Note El-Melloi II wears a black shirt under his black button-up shirt, so I went with black as well.) In Brake Broken, I also noticed he wears dark socks (or that could be the leggings) and runners with a lightning bolt on them (I had to make do with generic black runners with a white stripe on the bottom), plus the iconic brown shorts over those (with a triangle pattern)âŚWhy does Sakaido have a scarf anyway, versus Anaido and Miyo who donât? As much as I like scarves, especially where colder weather is involved, getting a specific colour scarf was a bit of a headache to be honest, since I took 3 trips before deciding on the one I was going to buy (and even then, someone got it before me! The scarf I have now was my 2nd choice). Update: The shorts, leggings and undershirt are black, but I donât know if Sakaido is wearing any socks or if theyâre black too.
Just to note what Anaido has as well (although a coat like that, with the red detailing and flaps, would be hard to findâŚ), he has a blue coat, suspenders, a white button-up top, a string tie (had to google what that was called, although its name is pretty obvious now that I know), black pants (which kinda look like leggings, but theyâre not) and leather boots.
Now Sakaido can go into the loony binâŚheâs talking to Kaeru.
Is Anaido going in circles? Sakaido caught up real fastâŚ
Um, hey, protip: When stuck in quicksand, try to âfloatâ on it. If you move, youâll sink into it more. I donât know how I know that, but I did stick it into my mind for times like this.
Notably, Anaido is about a head taller than Sakaido. Either Sakaido is unnaturally short and Anaido is averageâŚor Anaido is just tall in that way some men are.
Did the bird get to this dude�
There appears to be a man with a bun facing Hondomachi in the ED, although you canât tell who it is from silhouette aloneâŚMaybe he hasnât appeared in the show yet. (Canât be Matsuoka though. Might be the old guy whoâs the head of Kura, actually.)
Update: Is the dead guy Momoki�
Id: Invaded 9
Itâs the familiar ceiling scene from Evangelion! (Okay, Iâm kidding, but itâs a similar deal.)
I think the rules of Fate/ are âdo it all, until you can no longer do itâ (i.e. Everything is the same, until itâs different). It seems itâs the same here too.
Huh? Momoki?
âIt doesnât seem friendly.â â Yeah, and people die whe they are killedâŚin murder mysteries like this, usually speaking.
I noticed Narihisagoâs tie is the same colour as his Sakaido jacket, if not the shirt under that.
Where did the Challengerâs clothes go after he took them off??? Hyperspace??? He wasnât shown tossing them.
So Kaeru was Asukai all along, huh?
âLook at this.â
âIt makes me think about him.â Subbers, thatâs two mistakes in less than 1 minuteâŚ
I saw a fanart where Narihisago had his arm broken. I didnât know why, but now I do. Also, TV Tropes is bad if you want to avoid spoilersâŚI know that already, but I go there anyway sometimes...
âIt makes me wanna puke.â
Iruma-kun 22
The animeâs final episode is next weekâŚbut thereâs already a season 2 in store for next year, so hopefully I survive the coronavirus and sort out all my issues this year in time for it.
Dat OP though. Iâve grown used to it and itâs actually endeared itself to meâŚwhich is odd, since I didnât think Iâd like it at first.
Demdol = akudol. Obviously, from âdemonâ.
Was thatâŚClaraâs mother???  Kuromuâs older bro doesnât look too bad, either.
Ohmygosh, this is fabulousssssssssss (and hilarious)! Iâve been waiting for this moment for many episodes, as you can tell if youâve been following along, and I finally got the payoff!
Clara ends her sentence with âakuma (devil), hence the translation is matching it the same way.
Oh my gosh, Ryouhei Kimura (Azz-kun) sucks at being feminine, but thatâs exactly what the role requires for this!
If you just pretend Azz-kun isnât dressed in such an outlandish outfit, he looks really goodâŚ! Ayumu Murase does a pretty good falsetto, although you can tell thereâs one point where Kimuraâs voice gets really manly-sounding for a lady.
âLittle impâ â Koakuma. Â
Oh! The Keroli family is all cute.
Ooh, Kuromuâs nails are blue. Never noticed that before.
Eizouken 9
Chojugiga are ancient pictures normally depicting animals. As for sepak takrawâŚ
I wonder if Eizouken will tackle the Manabi Line one day�
Thatâs a parallel for Comiket, LOL.
âA colossus that no one can see!â â Gridman, is that you?
When did Kanamori meet Asakusa again�
Kanamori with a bun is cool.
âThere is nothing fun about social media!â â Well, social media is fun for me because itâs where I escape reality, but sometimes you gotta be like Kanamori and use it for publicityâs sake.
LOL, the username for the Eizouken is @eizoukenn.
I just realised Mizusakiâs hairstyle is irregularâŚitâs much longer on on side than the other.
âMizusaki bumpâ â I think this references the Colbert bump. (TV Tropes link)
Kanamori â she with the word âgoldââŚor âmoneyââŚin her name â struggles with maths? Wow, that was something to hear. (I guess itâs kinda like me and IT (cybersecurity) â I suck at it because I suck at modulosâŚor division in shortâŚand even though I can be found on my computer a lot, thatâs why I donât pursue it any longer. I was decent at accounting, but man, Iâd be bored out of my brain if you made me do business IT and I have zero skills in games and multimedia.)
âWas it thuggery?â â Whatâs thuggery? That word sounds funny.
Did you see how Asakusa fell off the tank?
I did CRâs Eizouken quiz sometime in the past and it gave me Asakusa. Thatâs true, basically. I like thinking up ideas and how cool they are, but because I canât stop from elaborating on them, they get out of hand and thatâs why I have a tonne of dropped projects. (Then again, with how freely I can imagine motion, I couldâve gotten Mizusaki too.) Update: Tried again and I actually did get MizusakiâŚwhaddaya know.
Id: Invaded 10
People have been comparing this to Minority ReportâŚnow I see why.
I almost feel like this is a discussion of euthanasia and suicide as much as it is memory and the consciousness.
OhhâŚshe remembers! Hondomachi!
You canât see Mukuâs face! Ohh, scary!
Aww, the music really sold this montage. By the way, that sign didnât say âentrance ceremonyâ, it said nyuugaku omedetou, âCongratulations on your entry [into school]â.
ItâŚthis singer almost sounds like Bruno Mars, but that would be basically impossible, no?
Oh my goshâŚwhen the song swelled, I absolutely cried. Thatâs rare, man â thatâs rare.
BnHA 82
I think the leftmost figure might be Miruko, the rabbit lady. Iâve never read anything about her outside of wiki pages ad other small spoilers, but I roughly know what she looks like.
What does Gentle mean by âAnglaiseâ? Surely it wouldnât refer to creamâŚ(crème anglaise)
LOL, Disneyland paradesâŚ
WhewâŚthat was dangerous. I almost agreed with Mineta there (to get the festival over and done with).
I swear Midoriya gets together with All Might, just like this, at the end or start of a climactic arc. He did it in the last season of BnHA, remember?
BnHA 83
HmmâŚItâs interesting that the author likes to point out who has and hasnât met Eri. Then again, itâs good for consistency.
LOL, Amajiki my boyâŚyouâre so relatable.
HmmâŚamidst the coronavirus concernsâŚthis cancellation business seems quite timely.
Oh! Itâs a drone.
For some reason, I thought Sero was drinking vegetable juiceâŚ? Eh, no matter. They have vegetable juice in Japan â I remember seeing some on my trip.
Hmm? Gentle is like a phantom thief, I just realised. Mostly harmless, but bound to cause a big stir if he gets his way.
What is Gentleâs Quirk, anywayâŚ?
Work SonâŚLOL(âŚ?)
Who bets their moustache on this stuff, anyway� (LOL)
Iruma 23 (FINAL)
I donât get to see Iruma become evil this seasonâŚbut he will next season! That visual Iâve been seeing by the original mangaka confirms it!
Marathon - the demon puns are back.
Demonicon =Oricon chart.
Demon Star PlatinumâŚwas thatâŚa Jojoâs reference?! *scare chord*
Oh! Maguro (tuna).
Azz-kun being afraid of fish? Thatâs news to me.
Okay, subbers. Whose idea was it to translate Irumaâs words as âMy feelsâŚââŚ?
Thereâs a post-credits segment. Keep watching.
Yay! Evil Iruma-kun!...In spring 2021. (Iâve never once been so excited for a character to turn evil than this! I also like how evil Iruma said itâs the âbuttcrackâ of dawnâŚbut thatâs just my immature side showing.)
Id: Invaded 11
ââŚbeing taken for a ride!â â Well, youâre in a car, so youâre getting a ride nonetheless. (LOL) I hadnât heard of the term âbeing taken for a rideâ untilâŚwhat? 2016, I think? When I was still doing language anaylsis.
Sakaido used Headbutt! ItâsâŚkind of effective? (Writing up these pseudo-PokĂŠmon battles is fun. I should write more.)
ââŚput a drill to your headâŚâ
âThe victims of John Walkerâs serial killersâŚâ
I noticed Hondomachi is touching the side of her head which had the hole in itâŚif I remembered it right.
Is it âthe Kuraâ? Or just Kura?
August 15th is a popular date for anime, huh? Itâs in the middle of summer. (Refers to Kagerou Project.)
That âwho knew you needed to lose something to be completeâ thingâŚI think I get it, but for some reason I only ever seem to get that feeling when itâs me trying to read asexuality into things (since thatâs how I learnt to interpret asexuality), soâŚyeah, way to go, me.
WaitâŚTogo visited Momokiâs bedroom?!
Yep, so I was right about that being the side with Hondomachiâs hole.
#simulcast commentary#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#welcome to demon school iruma kun#mairimashita! iruma kun#id: invaded#uchi tama?! uchi no tama shirimasen ka?#uchitama?! have you seen my tama?#Eizouken ni wa Te wo Dasu Na!#keep your hands off eizouken!#Chesarka watches BnHA#chesarka watches mi-k#Chesarka watches Eizouken#Chesarka watches Uchitama#chesarka watches id: invaded
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July 20th
Summary:Â July 20th, the day Izuku was diagnosed quirkless. That happened 11 years ago, so what could go wrong today? Absolutely everything, of course. (AKA: A self-indulgent one-shot about Izuku's anxieties and Dadzawa)
Words: 5,879
TW: minor implied/referenced suicidal thoughts, bullying, self-deprecation, one minor panic attack
Main Themes: emotionally hurt Izuku, dadzawa, quirkless discrimination, hurt/comfort, angst, Izuku has no self confidence but Aizawa helps
Izuku sighed as he looked at his calendar. July 20th. The day he was diagnosed quirkless.
Of course, that was 11 years ago. Izuku went to U.A., had great friends, hell, even All Might was his mentor. And he had a quirk now. He wasn't useless or worthless.
(There was always a voice in the back of his head that argued. He was worthless and a stupid Deku. But it was easier to not listen to the voice lately.)
Still, the day didn't bring back fond memories. It was the day his world had come crashing down, after all. It was the day that the bullying started, that his dreams had started to look like a fantasy. He still thought about that day sometimes, but today was especially riddled with memories.
Izuku shook the thoughts out of his head. No, today was a completely normal day. He was going to go to school and hang out with his friends. Everything was going to be fine.
With renewed vigor, he got ready for the day and by the time he went downstairs, he had mostly forgotten about his anniversary.
"Hey Deku!" Uraraka called out, a bright smile on her face.
With an equally bright smile, Izuku greeted her back and sat next to her at the table. Iida was on his left, gesturing wildly to Todoroki.
"Are you-" Uraraka cut herself off once she looked at Izuku. She broke into a smile. "What are you doing in your school uniform, silly?"
"Huh?" Izuku intelligently replied.
She smiled playfully. "It's our day off today. We just finished our mid-terms, remember?"
Right, of course. Izuku forgot about that since he was so caught up about his anniversary. (He barely started the day and he was already making a fool of himself.)
He sheepishly laughed. "I guess I forgot. But hey, it's a nice surprise. What are you doing today?"
"Most of us are going to the new arcade around the corner. Wanna come?"
"Sure," he answered quickly. Anything to get his mind off of what happened 11 years ago. Besides, he had never gone to an arcade with friends before.
"Great," she cheered, whipping out her phone. "I'll let everyone know."
Soon enough, everyone's phone pinged with the message Uraraka sent, no doubt in the group chat. Why anyone thought a group chat was a good idea was beyond Izuku.
Once everyone finished their breakfast, they headed out to the arcade with Aizawa as a chaperone. He had brought the atrocity that was his yellow sleeping bag, of course.
As soon as they entered the arcade, everyone split into groups. The two main groups were the Bakusquad and Dekusquad, with some additions to both. Once the groups were decided, Aizawa said, "Don't cause any trouble," before zipping up his sleeping bag.
The arcade was bigger than most, since there were two very large floors filled with games. The Bakusquad made their way over to Dance Dance Revolution (no doubt Ashido's idea), while the Dekusquad went towards a racing game.
"I call dibs first!" Uraraka called out. "Who wants to challenge me?"
Asui stepped up. "I'll give it a try, kero."
They mounted the motorcycles and the race started. Uraraka had a great head start, but Asui was quickly catching up to her. Then, in the final stretch, Asui got a power up and sped past Uraraka.
"Hey, no fair!" she whined, melting onto the motorcycle.
"I believe Asui won fair and square," Iida pointed out.
"Good game," Asui consoled. "I'm only this good because my siblings constantly challenge me to video game matches."
Uraraka sat up, all traces of defeat gone from her face. "Alright, who's gonna go up against Asui?!"
"How about Midoriya?" Yaoyorozu suggested.
"I like it!" Hagakure replied. "The two green forces against each other."
Uraraka pulled Izuku towards the other motorcycle, but he was reluctant to try it. "I'm not very good at this."
"Just try it," Asui encouraged. "It'll be fun."
Izuku relented after a few more of his classmates insisted. He mounted the motorcycle, already feeling a little unsteady. The numbers on the screen counted down and the race began.
Both players shot forward in a burst of speed and were fairly even for a few moments. Then they had to make a turn. Asui completed it no problem, but Izuku couldn't turn fast enough and ended up crashing into the wall. Izuku quickly corrected himself and got back in the race.
But it kept happening. He would either turn too much or not enough, plus activating the power up confused him too. His classmates tried giving him tips, but it just made him feel worse. Of course they would know how to play and he didn't. (He was useless after all.)
The race ended quickly with Asui as the victor.
Izuku deflated on the inside. (Worthless, stupid, couldn't even win one game-)
"Nice try, kero," Asui said, holding out her hand to shake. "It gets easier the more you play."
"Yeah, the controls are usually shitty," Hagakure agreed.
Izuku shook Asui's hand and got off the bike. He still felt bad for not winning the game, but he had never played it before. He had no reason to, since there was no one he would have played it with.
After the racing game, they went through several different games and Izuku slowly started to feel better. Sure, he still lost some games and the voice in the back of his head was there, but it wasn't bad at all. He was surrounded by friends, and that was more than he could have asked for a year ago.
They had spent most of the afternoon at the arcade and at about 3:00, everyone had spent their money and gotten the prizes that they wanted. Izuku had gotten an All Might figurine because how could he not?
The Dekusquad made their way towards the entrance, where they were to meet Aizawa at the end of the day. On their way there, Izuku excused himself to the go the bathroom and said he would meet them there.
As Izuku did his business, he reflected on the day. Honestly, it was the best 20th of July he's ever had. He got to have some fun with his friends and didn't need to stress out about any villains. He even got an All Might figurine! All in all, not a bad day.
As Izuku was drying his hands, the door opened and two other teenagers walked in. Izuku didn't think much of them until one of them spoke.
"No way... Deku?!"
He had to speak too soon, didn't he? He looked at the two teenagers and paled. It was Tsubasa and Daiki, two of his bullies from middle school that usually followed Bakugo around. Of course he had to run into them today, didn't he?
"Holy shit, it is," Daiki replied. The surprise morphed into smugness as he stepped forward. "Damn, didn't expect you to get into U.A. How'd you do it?"
"What do you m-mean?" Izuku asked, internally cursing himself for the stuttering.
"C'mon, a quirkless loser like you couldn't have gotten in the regular way," Tsubasa said, slowly stalking towards him, extending his wings to make himself look bigger. "You cheated, didn't you? What'd you do? Get fucked by one of the teachers?"
Izuku eyes widened. "No!" Being called a worthless loser was one thing (because it was true), but accusing him and the teachers of something so foul? That was not okay.
Daiki continued, as if he didn't hear Izuku. "Nah, no way, man. No one would want him," he sneered.
Tsubasa laughed and nodded. "Yeah, you're right. Maybe the answer is in here."
Before Izuku could blink, Tsubasa snatched his yellow backpack out of his grip. Izuku tried to get it back, but Daiki held him back. He briefly thought about using his quirk, but the thought was quickly shot down. No, that was illegal. (A part of him said he deserved this for being quirkless.)
Tsubasa spilled his contents all over the floor and once the backpack was empty, he tossed it to the ground. He scanned the pile of items until a certain figurine caught his eye.
"Don't tell me you're still a fan of him?" he snickered, holding up the All Might figurine. "How could someone like you ever even think about being like him?"
(He was right. How could he ever hope to become the Symbol of Peace All Might wanted him to be? Izuku was a hopeless cause that would eventually disappoint him.)
"Give that back!" Izuku cried, struggling against Daiki. Even without his quirk, Izuku still had quite a bit of strength. Daiki was struggling to hold him back, so he resorted to using his quirk: quicksand. Daiki made the ground underneath Izuku into quicksand like material, causing Izuku to stop his struggling. He knew from firsthand experience how bad it was to get trapped in quicksand.
"That's better," Tsubasa commented, still observing the All Might figurine. "Y'know, this is nice. I think I'll keep this for myself."
"You c-can't!" Izuku yelled. "I earned that."
Daiki scoffed. "Yeah right. I bet you cheated to get that, just like U.A."
"I didn't cheat!" Izuku insisted, still trying to reach for the figurine without sinking himself further into the quicksand. It was almost up to his knees.
"C'mon Deku, no one likes a liar," Tsubasa taunted, dangling the figurine just out of his reach. "Tell us how you got in. Who'd you fuck?"
Anger bloomed within Izuku's chest. "I didn't!" He could feel the tears at the edges of his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He couldn't cry here, not now.
(Crying always seemed to make the bullying worse.)
"Aw, c'mon," Daiki jeered. "That's the only thing you'll ever be good for. And even then, it's a long shot."
"Stop! I said I d-didn't!"
Tsubasa's smirk grew. "But we all know-"
"Just stop!" Izuku screamed, blindly swinging his hand out for the All Might figurine again.
In his anger, Izuku didn't realize he had accidentally activated One For All. It wasn't much, but it was enough power to send his two bullies flying into the bathroom wall. Not much damage was done, except for maybe a concussion and a bump on the back of their heads. But that didn't matter; they were pissed.
Tsubasa got up from the floor and stalked his way over to Izuku. "You'll fucking pay for that." Then he reared his fist back and punched Izuku right in the stomach. He sucked in a breath and hunched over, but didn't fall over. He had taken harder hits than that. It still hurt though.
"Fucking Deku," Daiki cursed, standing up. He gathered all of Izuku's belongings and tossed them into the toilet with a smirk.
Tsubasa knelt down so Izuku could see his face. "Once a useless Deku, always a useless Deku."
Both of them cackled before leaving the bathroom, smug smirks on their faces.
Izuku sucked in a few shaky breaths as a few tears ran down his cheeks.Â
Scratch that, today was a really bad day.
Once Daiki was far enough, his quirk faded away and Izuku was able to move about freely. He went to the toilet and gathered up all his things in a bunch of paper towels. Luckily, Daiki hadn't thrown his backpack in the toilet, so he could hide his soaked belongings well enough.
(He always knew how to hide these types of things. He couldn't worry his mother, he would just be a burden.)
He packed up his things in a haze, desperately trying to ignore the voice in the back of his head, which was very quickly coming to the forefront of his mind.
(Coward, worthless, couldn't even win a fight. What kind of hero was he?)
Izuku took a few shaky breaths to calm himself down and dry his tears. He suddenly felt very drained and just wanted to go home and sleep.
The door opened and Izuku whipped around to see who it was. He hoped they didn't come back for more.
Luckily, it was just Todoroki standing at the door, looking concerned. "Midoriya, are you alright?"
Izuku nodded and put on his very practiced smile. "I'm f-fine, Todoroki. Just ran into some old friends."
He furrowed his eyebrows and scanned Izuku up and down. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes, I promise," he lied easily.
Todoroki looked like he wanted to say something else, but Izuku beat him to it. "We'd better get going, the others are waiting for us."
Todoroki hesitated before saying, "Okay."
They walked towards the entrance in awkward silence, but thankfully, it wasn't a long walk. Once they met up with the rest of the group, his friends filled in the silence.
"Deku!" Uraraka called out. He desperately held down his flinch at the name. "Where were you? We were starting to get worried."Â
(And of course he worried them. He was no good, was he?)
"Sorry," he apologized. "I met up with some old friends and lost track of time."
Everyone seemed to buy his lie more or less and Izuku didn't see Bakugo's frown. (He couldn't stand to look at him.)
What he did see was the way Aizawa narrowed his eyes. Crap, was he that bad at lying? Was he going to find out he was quirkless?
But that only lasted for a moment. As soon as Izuku saw it, Aizawa's expression went back to neutral and he guided everyone back to campus.
On the way back, everyone was talking about their experience in the arcade, probably about the prizes they were able to get with their tickets. Izuku wasn't sure, he wasn't entirely listening. He was more focused on not breaking down in the middle of the street.
"-iya? Midoriya!"
Izuku jumped at his name and he looked up. "Y-Yeah?"
"You okay?" Uraraka asked. "We called you three times."
He waved it off like he always did. "I'm fine, sorry, I just got distracted."
She still looked concerned and Izuku couldn't have that. (Couldn't have them finding out he was quirkless, what would they think?!)
"What did you want to ask me?" he said, redirecting the conversation.
Uraraka gave him an odd look, knowing exactly what he was doing, but answered his question anyways. "We just wanted to show everyone the All Might figurine you got at the arcade."
Crap, Tsubasa had taken it. He needed to think of something quick.
"I gave it to one of my friends," he lied. "He's also a big All Might fan, but he wasn't able to get the figurine and I felt bad. So I gave it to him."
Wow, he scared himself sometimes with how well he lied.
"Aw, Midoriya, you're too nice," Ashido cooed.
"He's like a human angel or something," Kaminari added. Then he looked over to Bakugo. "Unlike someone."
"Fuck off, Pikachu!"
Soon the conversation veered away from Izuku and he internally sighed in relief. He usually loved to talk with his friends, but he couldn't bring himself to do it today. He just didn't have the energy.
(And honestly, did he deserve it? These were good people, people with amazing quirks and who were definitely going to be heroes. And what was he? Just the quirkless loser.)
Time almost seemed to skip and Izuku soon found himself in front of the dorms. When had they gotten here so fast? He looked around and saw a few people giving him worried looks. He quickly shook himself out of his thoughts and made his way to his room. He really needed to be alone right now.
Except, that seemed to make it worse. The longer he spent his time in loneliness and silence, the more he got consumed by his thoughts.Â
(He couldn't do anything right. He couldn't spend time with his friends or be alone correctly. He was just so fucked up.)
He needed a distraction, badly. He decided to text in the group chat to see in anyone wanted to spar with him. It would be perfect. No talking, just a distraction that was also productive.
Most of the people opted out of the training, saying they had the day off for a reason, but Todoroki and Iida agreed to train with him. They decided to meet at the gym to do some basic quirk training. (And wasn't that ironic?)
Fifteen minutes later, the three of them found themselves in the gym, preparing for their first spar. It was Iida vs. Todoroki first. Izuku eagerly dove into his analysis of their quirks as a welcome distraction from the horrible day he's had.
Unlike the Sport Festival, Iida did not rush directly at Todoroki this time. Iida waited for Todoroki to make the first move in order to avoid getting his engines iced over. However, that was his mistake since Todoroki covered the entire floor with ice. Iida didn't have enough control and ultimately, Todoroki won.
"I commend you on your clever use of your quirk," Iida complimented. "A much different approach than last time."
Todoroki simply nodded as thanks before Izuku stepped up to the mat, firing up Full Cowling at 5%.
(Wasn't that pathetic? He could only use 5% of a quirk that wasn't even his.)
Iida called out, "Start!" and the match began.
Todoroki used a similar tactic as before and shot ice towards Izuku. Instead of breaking it away with a flick of his fingers, he dodged to the side and started sprinting at Todoroki. Todoroki used his fire to block Izuku, who had to take a step back.
Most of their spar went this way, with neither of them landing a solid hit on each other. Izuku was able to dodge most of Todoroki's attacks, but Todoroki was able to use both sides of his quirk to make sure Izuku didn't get too close.
(He couldn't even land a hit? How was he going to be the number one hero?)
Izuku ground his teeth together and tried to ignore his thoughts (he couldn't). He attacked Todoroki again, this time using his quirk to blast some of the fire away. It worked for the most part, but it wasn't strong enough and some of the fire licked at his sides.
Izuku ignored the flames and charged straight for Todoroki. He seemed surprised, but only for a second. He made an ice wall in front of him and dodged out of the way just before Izuku smashed the ice to pieces.
(He had his chance and screwed that up. Useless, pathetic, Deku-)
Izuku just needed one hit, and it would all be over. He charged at Todoroki again, but he sent ice his way, forcing him to change his course.
(He couldn't fight and he was going to be a hero? How sad was that?)
Just one hit. He wasn't useless, he wasn't.
(He was, and he knew it.)
Please, just one hit. He was going to be a hero. He had to be!
(He wasn't. He was just a worthless, quirkless nobody who would never amount to anything else. He was going to fail and disappoint everyone. They would see who he really was because he couldn't fight and couldn't be a hero and he was just useless, pathetic, worthless, stupid-)
Izuku was suddenly knocked to the ground, bringing him back to reality. It took him a moment to recognize where he was and what he was doing. Right, the spar! He had to get back up!
Izuku went to lift himself off the ground when his right arm lit up in all too familiar pain. He looked and to his horror, his right arm was an ugly, bruised purple. Broken.
Crap, he was so lost in his thoughts that he unconsciously used 100% of One For All. Damn, two quirk accidents in a day.
(It was pathetic. He thought he had control over it, but he didn't. Fucking useless.)
Izuku managed to stand without using his right arm and scanned the gym. It was a mess. Equipment was strewn everywhere, along with big chunks of ice... Ice?
Todoroki! Izuku looked around until he managed to find his friends. They were at the opposite end of the gym, likely blasted back from his quirk. Izuku started to make his way over to them, only to stop short.
A medium size chunk of ice was stuck in Todoroki's thigh. Blood had already seeped through the fabric and dripping onto the floor. Iida had started putting pressure on the wound, but neither of them tried to remove it in fear of losing more blood.
Izuku blood went cold. He caused this, he got out of control (because he was useless, stupid-) and his friend had gotten hurt.
His breath started coming in quick pants as he slowly backed away. Fuck, he didn't belong here, not at the top hero school. He couldn't control his quirk, he couldn't control his emotions. He was weak, unfit to be a hero.
Before he even realized it, he turned and ran. He needed to get away, he couldn't be here. He didn't deserve to be here! He distantly heard someone shouting his name, but it was drowned out by his thoughts.
He ran towards the gates and for a moment, he was worried they would shut on him. But they stayed open and allowed Izuku to leave campus. They were meant to keep villains out, not heroes in.
So Izuku ran. He ran as far as he could without using his quirk (who knows who else he'd hurt if he used it.) He ran until the sun set and his legs felt like jelly and his arm throbbed painfully. He ran until he felt alone enough to finally slow down.
He slowed down to a stop, taking in his surroundings. He found himself in front of the building where he asked All Might the most important question of his life (of course he ended up here, it was to remind him he was useless.)
Izuku looked around and lots of people were looking at him weirdly. He had just sprinted from U.A. all the way here.
Deciding there were still too many people looking at him, he entered the building, taking the stairs all the way to the roof. It was quieter up there and the noise from the street faded away into the background.
Izuku shook as he sat down, but it wasn't from the cold of the night. The quiet was less oppressive, but it let his thoughts overtake him.
(Weak, coward, he ran away. He ran away from a problem he caused because he was too stupid to control his quirk.)
He had enough sense to not sit near the edge of the roof. He already resolved not to leave his mom alone (but that resolve seemed to be cracking. He was just a burden, useless-)
With no eyes staring at him, he let a few tears fall and a sob past his lips. But his body didn't want to stop there. More tears fell and soon Izuku found himself sobbing earnestly, with no end in sight. Breathing started to get harder, no matter how much air he gulped in. He felt like he was dying.
(How pathetic.)
~~~
"You're lucky you got here so quickly," Recovery Girl said. "This will heal in no time."
Iida sighed in relief and Todoroki nodded at the heroine in thanks.
"But I'm more curious about how this happened," Aizawa said, setting both of them with a look that would get any criminal to talk.
"Both of us and Midoriya went to the gym to spar using our quirks," Iida explained. "But during the match between Todoroki and Midoriya..."
"He seemed off. Distracted," Todoroki continued. "He was like that ever since the arcade. I wanted to ask him about it, but didn't want to pry either. During our spar, he got more desperate the longer the fight went on. Like he was... frustrated or something. Then he suddenly punched using full power. I managed to get an ice wall up in time, but the ice still got stuck in my leg."
Aizawa nodded. "I noticed he seemed off at the arcade too. Where's Midoriya now?"
"That's the thing, sensei," Iida replied. "He ran away. I called out for him, but he didn't seem to hear me. He looked panicked and scared. I would've ran after him, but I had to get Todoroki to Recovery Girl."
"He ran off? Where to?"
Then, right on cue, Aizawa's phone lit up with a notification. He opened his phone and his eyebrows rose from his surprise.
"He went off campus without permission," he said, barely keeping the surprise (and slight panic) out of his voice.
His students weren't able to do the same. "What?!" "Why would he go off campus?!"
"I think this goes farther than a sparing match," Aizawa stated. "Can you tell me anything else that seemed off about him today?"
Todoroki nodded. "When I went to get Midoriya from the bathroom, he seemed... tense. And sad. He might have been crying, but I couldn't tell. If he was, he covered it up really well."
Aizawa sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Okay, Iida, ask around and see if anyone else noticed anything strange about Midoriya for the past couple of days. A few teachers and I are going to search for him."
"Yes, sensei!" Iida replied before rushing to the dorms.
Aizawa turned to start his search when Todoroki called out for him. "Sensei?"
"Yes?"
"He's going to be okay, right?"
Rationally, it was hard to tell. Anything could happen, but he wasn't about to tell that to one of his friends. But he wasn't going to straight up lie about it either.
"I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure he's okay."
And he meant it. He failed this class too many times already, he couldn't do it again.
With that, he left the room to begin his search.
He met up with Present Mic, All Might, Hound Dog, and Ectoplasm at the front gates. They connected their comms and determined their search areas by the time the sun had set.
"Let us know if you find him," Aizawa reminded everyone before running off to his designated search area.
He hopped from rooftop to rooftop, checked alleyways, and even questioned a few people, but there was no sign of his student anywhere.
He was just finishing up his search when he finally found him. He was on the rooftop of an old office building (not near the edge thank god) and sitting near the stairwell. He was curled up and had it not been for his green hair, Aizawa would've missed him.
Aizawa briefly spoke into the comms, saying he found him, before dropping onto the roof a few feet away from Izuku.
He was curled up, tucking his head into his knees and one of his arms was pulling at his hair. His breathing was erratic and uneven. A panic attack.
"Midoriya," Aizawa said, but Izuku made no move to indicate that he heard him. He tried again, but no response.
Aizawa moved closer and placed a hand on his shoulder. That got a reaction out of him. Izuku's head shot up and Aizawa's chest twisted from the sight. He had clearly been crying and his eyes were still a little distant.
"Aizawa-sensei, s-sorry I'll s-stop," he mumbled, trying to dry his tears, but he couldn't get his crying under control.
"Kid, you gotta breathe with me, okay?" Aizawa gently grabbed his hand and placed it on his chest. He exaggerated his breaths and Izuku slowly began to calm down.
Once his breathing evened out, Aizawa sat down in front of Izuku, trying to figure out the best way to approach this. Sure, he was a teacher, but that didn't mean he was good with kids. Especially with a student as emotional as Izuku.
He took a deep breath. "Todoroki and Iida told me what happened."
Izuku flinched back. "I-I'm sorry, I d-didn't mean to."
"It was obviously an accident, that's alright," Aizawa replied, trying his best to make his voice gentle, but he wasn't sure how well he was doing. "But I need to know what happened so we can prevent it in the future."
"I c-couldn't control it," he answered, looking anywhere but Aizawa's face. "I-I'm stupid and useless and it g-got out of control. I'm s-sorry I promise it won't h-happen again. I-I'm sorry."
At that, Aizawa paused. Sure, the Problem Child might be reckless at times, but stupid? Useless? He was anything but. He needed to know why he thought this way.
"You're not stupid or useless," Aizawa said.
"B-But I am," Izuku insisted, fiddling with the ends of his sleeves. "And that's a-all I'll ever be 'cause that's what th-they said and they're r-right."
"Who's 'they'?"
Izuku looked ready to answer, before closing his mouth. He seemed to be having an internal conflict on whether it was safe to tell Aizawa or not.
"Please Midoriya, who are they?"
Izuku hesitated for a moment longer before his eyebrows furrowed. "Why d-do you even care?"
A strange change of topic, but Aizawa answered his question anyway. "Because I'm your teacher. It's my job."
"No it's not," he answered, and he seemed so sure and it broke Aizawa's heart. "Teachers n-never care. They never have b-before."
"I do care," Aizawa replied. "Midoriya, look at me." He needed him to know how sincere he was.
Izuku hesitated for a few moments before he finally met Aizawa's eyes for the first time that night.
"I do care. It is a teacher's job to care, but I don't care just because I'm a teacher. I have gotten to know you throughout the year and I know that you are the brightest, kindest person I've ever met. You are so smart and you're such a good hero. So I need you to know that I do care for you."
Tears started to flow down Izuku's cheeks again and he all but launched himself at his teacher. Aizawa awkwardly hugged him back and let him get his crying out.
After a few moments of sobbing, Izuku reigned himself back in again and broke the hug. "I... Thanks, Aizawa-sensei."
"Of course, Problem Child. But you still haven't answered my question."
"Hmm?"
"Who told you that you were useless?"
Izuku took a deep breath, still hesitating to tell him. "...Everyone. At least, until U.A."
That didn't make sense. Izuku was the personification of sunshine, who could hate him?
"Why?" Aizawa asked.
At that, Izuku hesitated even more than before. He would open and close his mouth, as if he couldn't decide what to say.
"Kid, I promise that I'm going to help you. I'm not going to judge you for anything."
Izuku's breath hitched and Aizawa thought he was going to cry again, but he managed to keep it in.
"I-I'm quirkless. Or at least I w-was."
Quirkless? That made a little sense. Aizawa knew how badly they were treated, but the latest a quirk had ever come in was at seven years old. And with a powerful quirk like Izuku's, that stigma should've disappeared. Something didn't add up.
"Was? When did you get your quirk?" he asked.
"...The day of the entrance exam."
Aizawa had to take a moment to grapple with the fact that a quirk could even come in that late. But once he did, everything started to make sense. Why he didn't seem to understand his quirk the way everyone else did. The way he seemed so nervous all the time despite his powerful quirk, and the way he always deflected any compliments like he didn't deserve them. He would've had to deal with the discrimination for almost his entire life and- oh, that left a nasty taste in Aizawa's mouth. Aizawa was also willing to bet that the teachers didn't do anything about the bullying, based on Izuku's reaction from before.
He must've been silent for too long because Izuku was starting to deflate and curl in on himself. But it was worse because he looked resigned to it, like he didn't expect Aizawa to believe him at all.
"That... makes sense actually," he said, surprising Izuku.
"R-Really?"
"Yes, really," he repeated.
And now that he was able to wrap his head around the idea, he was starting to get pissed. Just because someone was quirkless didn't mean they deserved any of the torment society would've caused them, especially not Izuku.
But anger wouldn't do well in this situation. He put the anger in the back to simmer, so he could let it loose when the time was right. Right now, he had to comfort his Problem Child.
"Midoriya, those things that they said? They aren't true. You know that, right?"
Izuku curled into himself again. "B-But they're right. Without a quirk, I'm j-just a dumb, useless nobody. I only got i-into U.A. because of m-my quirk."
And... well, Aizawa really couldn't argue that. He had gotten into U.A. because of his quirk, but that was only because the entrance exam was so biased towards physical quirks. A quirk wasn't all that there was to a person, and certainly not a hero.
"Maybe, but that's only because the entrance exam isn't fair," Aizawa said. Izuku still looked like he didn't believe him and he couldn't have that. "Did you know that I was in General Education my first year at U.A.?"
At that, Izuku's head shot up to meet Aizawa's gaze. "Really? But you're such a good hero!"
"Exactly, Problem Child. A person is so much more than their quirk, no matter what anyone else says. A hero isn't a hero because of their quirk, but because they want to help other people. Sure, you might have gotten into U.A. because of your quirk, but you stayed because of your heart and your brains. Don't let anyone else tell you different."
Izuku started to cry earnestly again and this time, Aizawa initiated the hug (not that anyone else could know that.)
"If it ever gets this bad again, talk to someone. It doesn't have to be me, but keeping this all inside isn't good," he advised.
Izuku nodded into his shoulder. "I w-will. I didn't have anyone t-to talk to before."
And Aizawa wanted to unpack that. He wanted to know just who hurt his student and teach them a lesson. He wanted to do it so badly, but Izuku had just started to calm down and it was getting late. They needed to be getting back.
"Thank you Aizawa-sensei."
Aizawa hid a smile into his capture weapon and pat him on the back. "You're going to turn out just fine, Problem Child."
Izuku clung to his teacher for a few moments longer, savoring the feeling of kindness, of care, from a teacher. It was so much more than he could've ever asked for and it felt wonderful.
And for the first time in 11 years, Izuku didn't hate the 20th of July.
#midoriya izuku#aizawa shouta#bnha#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#mha#fanfic#angst#dadzawa#hurt izuku midoriya#slight#izuku midoriya whump#quirkless discrimination#tsubasa#is a bitch#izuku's friends try to be there#they're good friends
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22 The sound of rain drumming on the roof of our house gently pulls me toward consciousness. I fight to return to sleep though, wrapped in a warm cocoon of blankets, safe at home. I'm vaguely aware that my head aches. Possibly I have the flu and this is why I'm allowed to stay in bed, even though I can tell I've been asleep a long time. My mother's hand strokes my cheek and I don't push it away as I would in wakefulness, never wanting her to know how much I crave that gentle touch. How much I miss her even though I still don't trust her. Then there's a voice, the wrong voice, not my mother's, and I'm scared. "Katniss," it says. "Katniss, can you hear me?" My eyes open and the sense of security vanishes. I'm not home, not with my mother. I'm in a dim, chilly cave, my bare feet freezing despite the cover, the air tainted with the unmistakable smell of blood. The haggard, pale face of a boy slides into view, and after an initial jolt of alarm, I feel better. "Peeta." "Hey," he says. "Good to see your eyes again." "How long have I been out?" I ask. "Not sure. I woke up yesterday evening and you were lying next to me in a very scary pool of blood," he says. "I think it's stopped finally, but I wouldn't sit up or anything." I gingerly lift my hand to my head and find it bandaged. This simple gesture leaves me weak and dizzy. Peeta holds a bottle to my lips and I drink thirstily. "You're better," I say. "Much better. Whatever you shot into my arm did the trick," he says. "By this morning, almost all the swelling in my leg was gone." He doesn't seem angry about my tricking him, drugging him, and running off to the feast. Maybe I'm just too beat-up and I'll hear about it later when I'm stronger. But for the moment, he's all gentleness. "Did you eat?" I ask. "I'm sorry to say I gobbled down three pieces of that groosling before I realized it might have to last a while. Don't worry, I'm back on a strict diet," he says. "No, it's good. You need to eat. I'll go hunting soon," I say. "Not too soon, all right?" he says. "You just let me take care of you for a while." I don't really seem to have much choice. Peeta feeds me bites of groosling and raisins and makes me drink plenty of water. He rubs some warmth back into my feet and wraps them in his jacket before tucking the sleeping bag back up around my chin. "Your boots and socks are still damp and the weather's not helping much," he says. There's a clap of thunder, and I see lightning electrify the sky through an opening in the rocks. Rain drips through several holes in the ceiling, but Peeta has built a sort of canopy over my head an upper body by wedging the square of plastic into the rock above me. "I wonder what brought on this storm? I mean, who's the target?" says Peeta. "Cato and Thresh," I say without thinking. "Foxface will be in her den somewhere, and Clove. she cut me an then. " My voice trails off. "I know Clove's dead. I saw it in the sky last night," h says. "Did you kill her?" "No. Thresh broke her skull with a rock," I say. "Lucky he didn't catch you, too," says Peeta. The memory of the feast returns full-force and I feel sick. "He did. But he let me go." Then, of course, I have to tell him. About things I've kept to myself because he was too sick to ask and I wasn't ready to relive anyway. Like the explosion and my ear and Rue's dying and the boy from District 1 and the bread. All of which leads to what happened with Thresh and how he was paying off a debt of sorts. "He let you go because he didn't want to owe you anything?" asks Peeta in disbelief. "Yes. I don't expect you to understand it. You've always had enough. But if you'd lived in the Seam, I wouldn't have to explain," I say. "And don't try. Obviously I'm too dim to get it." "It's like the bread. How I never seem to get over owing you for that," I say. "The bread? What? From when we were kids?" he says. "I think we can let that go. I mean, you just brought me back from the dead." "But you didn't know me. We had never even spoken. Besides, it's the first gift that's always the hardest to pay back. I wouldn't even have been here to do it if you hadn't helped me then," I say. "Why did you, anyway?" "Why? You know why," Peeta says. I give my head a slight, painful shake. "Haymitch said you would take a lot of convincing." "Haymitch?" I ask. "What's he got to do with it?" "Nothing," Peeta says. "So, Cato and Thresh, huh? I guess it's too much to hope that they'll simultaneously destroy each other?" But the thought only upsets me. "I think we would like Thresh. I think he'd be our friend back in District Twelve," I say. "Then let's hope Cato kills him, so we don't have to," says Peeta grimly. I don't want Cato to kill Thresh at all. I don't want anyone else to die. But this is absolutely not the kind of thing that victors go around saying in the arena. Despite my best efforts, I can feel tears starting to pool in my eyes. Peeta looks at me in concern. "What is it? Are you in a lot of pain?" I give him another answer, because it is equally true but can be taken as a brief moment of weakness instead of a terminal one. "I want to go home, Peeta," I say plaintively, like a small child. "You will. I promise," he says, and bends over to give me a kiss. "I want to go home now," I say. "Tell you what. You go back to sleep and dream of home. And you'll be there for real before you know it," lie says. "Okay?" "Okay," I whisper. "Wake me if you need me to keep watch." "I'm good and rested, thanks to you and Haymitch. Besides, who knows how long this will last?" he says. What does he mean? The storm? The brief respite ii brings us? The Games themselves? I don't know, but I'm ion sad and tired to ask. It's evening when Peeta wakes me again. The rain has turned to a downpour, sending streams of water through our ceiling where earlier there had been only drips. Peeta has placed the broth pot under the worst one and repositioned the plastic to deflect most of it from me. I feel a bit better, able to sit up without getting too dizzy, and I'm absolutely famished. So is Peeta. It's clear he's been waiting for me to wake up to eat and is eager to get started. There's not much left. Two pieces of groosling, a small mishmash of roots, and a handful of dried fruit. "Should we try and ration it?" Peeta asks. "No, let's just finish it. The groosling's getting old anyway, and the last thing we need is to get sick off spoiled food," I say, dividing the food into two equal piles. We try and eat slowly, but we're both so hungry were done in a couple of minutes. My stomach is in no way satisfied. "Tomorrow's a hunting day," I say. "I won't be much help with that," Peeta says. "I've never hunted before." "I'll kill and you cook," I say. "And you can always gather." "I wish there was some sort of bread bush out there," says Peeta. "The bread they sent me from District Eleven was still warm," I say with a sigh. "Here, chew these." I hand him a couple of mint leaves and pop a few in my own mouth. It's hard to even see the projection in the sky, but it's clear enough to know there were no more deaths today. So Cato and Thresh haven't had it out yet. "Where did Thresh go? I mean, what's on the far side of the circle?" I ask Peeta. "A field. As far as you can see it's full of grasses as high as my shoulders. I don't know, maybe some of them are grain. There are patches of different colors. But there are no paths," says Peeta. "I bet some of them are grain. I bet Thresh knows which ones, too," I say. "Did you go in there?" "No. Nobody really wanted to track Thresh down in that grass. It has a sinister feeling to it. Every time I look at that field, all I can think of are hidden things. Snakes, and rabid animals, and quicksand," Peeta says. "There could be anything in there." I don't say so but Peeta's words remind me of the warnings they give us about not going beyond the fence in District 12. I can't help, for a moment, comparing him with Gale, who would see that field as a potential source of food as well as a threat. Thresh certainly did. It's not that Peeta's soft exactly, and he's proved he's not a coward. But there are things you don't question too much, I guess, when your home always smells like baking bread, whereas Gale questions everything. What would Peeta think of the irreverent banter that passes between us as we break the law each day? Would it shock him? The things we say about Panem? Gale's tirades against the Capitol? "Maybe there is a bread bush in that field," I say. "Maybe that's why Thresh looks better fed now than when we started the Games." "Either that or he's got very generous sponsors," says Peeta. "I wonder what we'd have to do to get Haymitch to send us some bread." I raise my eyebrows before I remember he doesn't know about the message Haymitch sent us a couple of nights ago. One kiss equals one pot of broth. It's not the sort of thing I can blurt out, either. To say my thoughts aloud would be tipping off the audience that the romance has been fabricated to play on their sympathies and that would result in no food at all. Somehow, believably, I've got to get things back on track. Something simple to start with. I reach out and take his hand. "Well, he probably used up a lot of resources helping me knock you out," I say mischievously. "Yeah, about that," says Peeta, entwining his fingers in mine. "Don't try something like that again." "Or what?" I ask. "Or. or. " He can't think of anything good. "Just give me a minute." "What's the problem?" I say with a grin. "The problem is we're both still alive. Which only reinforces the idea in your mind that you did the right thing," says Peeta. "I did do the right thing," I say. "No! Just don't, Katniss!" His grip tightens, hurting my hand, and there's real anger in his voice. "Don't die for me. You won't be doing me any favors. All right?" I'm startled by his intensity but recognize an excellent opportunity for getting food, so I try to keep up. "Maybe I did it for myself, Peeta, did you ever think of that? Maybe you aren't the only one who. who worries about. what it would be like if. " I fumble. I'm not as smooth with words as Peeta. And while I was talking, the idea of actually losing Peeta hit me again and I realized how much I don't want him to die. And it's not about the sponsors. And it's not about what will happen back home. And it's not just that I don't want to be alone. It's him. I do not want to lose the boy with the bread. "If what, Katniss?" he says softly. I wish I could pull the shutters closed, blocking out this moment from the prying eyes of Panem. Even if it means losing food. Whatever I'm feeling, it's no one's business but mine. "That's exactly the kind of topic Haymitch told me to steer clear of," I say evasively, although Haymitch never said anything of the kind. In fact, he's probably cursing me out right now for dropping the ball during such an emotionally charged moment. But Peeta somehow catches it. "Then I'll just have to fill in the blanks myself," he says, and moves in to me. This is the first kiss that we're both fully aware of. Neither of us hobbled by sickness or pain or simply unconscious. Our lips neither burning with fever or icy cold. This is the first kiss where I actually feel stirring inside my chest. Warm and curious. This is the first kiss that makes me want another. But I don't get it. Well, I do get a second kiss, but it's just a light one on the tip of my nose because Peeta's been distracted. "I think your wound is bleeding again. Come on, lie down, it's bedtime anyway," he says. My socks are dry enough to wear now. I make Peeta put his jacket back on. The damp cold seems to cut right down to my bones, so he must be half frozen. I insist on taking the first watch, too, although neither of us think it's likely anyone will come in this weather. But he won't agree unless I'm in the bag, too, and I'm shivering so hard that it's pointless to object. In stark contrast to two nights ago, when I felt Peeta was a million miles away, I'm struck by his immediacy now. As we settle in, he pulls my head down to use his arm as a pillow, the other rests protectively over me even when he goes to sleep. No one has held me like this in such a long time. Since my father died and I stopped trusting my mother, no one else's arms have made me feel this safe. With the aid of the glasses, I lie watching the drips of water splatter on the cave floor. Rhythmic and lulling. Several times, I drift off briefly and then snap awake, guilty and angry with myself. After three or four hours, I can't help it, I have to rouse Peeta because I can't keep my eyes open. He doesn't seem to mind. "Tomorrow, when it's dry, I'll find us a place so high in the trees we can both sleep in peace," I promise as I drift off. But tomorrow is no better in terms of weather. The deluge continues as if the Gamemakers are intent on washing us all away. The thunder's so powerful it seems to shake the ground. Peeta's considering heading out anyway to scavenge for food, but I tell him in this storm it would be pointless. He won't be able to see three feet in front of his face and he'll only end up getting soaked to the skin for his troubles. He knows I'm right, but the gnawing in our stomachs is becoming painful. The day drags on turning into evening and there's no break in the weather. Haymitch is our only hope, but nothing is forthcoming, either from lack of money  -  everything will cost an exorbitant amount  -  or because he's dissatisfied with our performance. Probably the latter. I'd be the first to admit we're not exactly riveting today. Starving, weak from injuries, trying not to reopen wounds. We're sitting huddled together wrapped in the sleeping bag, yes, but mostly to keep warm. The most exciting thing either of us does is nap. I'm not really sure how to ramp up the romance. The kiss last night was nice, but working up to another will take some forethought. There are girls in the Seam, some of the merchant girls, too, who navigate these waters so easily. But I've never had much time or use for it. Anyway, just a kiss isn't enough anymore clearly because if it was we'd have gotten food last night. My instincts tell me Haymitch isn't just looking for physical affection, he wants something more personal. The sort of stuff he was trying to get me to tell about myself when we were practicing for the interview. I'm rotten at it, but Peeta's not. Maybe the best approach is to get him talking. "Peeta," I say lightly. "You said at the interview you'd had a crush on me forever. When did forever start?" "Oh, let's see. I guess the first day of school. We were five. You had on a red plaid dress and your hair. it was in two braids instead of one. My father pointed you out when we were waiting to line up," Peeta says. "Your father? Why?" I ask. "He said, 'See that little girl? I wanted to marry her mother, but she ran off with a coal miner,'" Peeta says. "What? You're making that up!" I exclaim. "No, true story," Peeta says. "And I said, 'A coal miner? Why did she want a coal miner if she could've had you?' And he said, 'Because when he sings. even the birds stop to listen.'" "That's true. They do. I mean, they did," I say. I'm stunned and surprisingly moved, thinking of the baker telling this to Peeta. It strikes me that my own reluctance to sing, my own dismissal of music might not really be that I think it's a waste of time. It might be because it reminds me too much of my father. "So that day, in music assembly, the teacher asked who knew the valley song. Your hand shot right up in the air. She stood you up on a stool and had you sing it for us. And I swear, every bird outside the windows fell silent," Peeta says. "Oh, please," I say, laughing. "No, it happened. And right when your song ended, I knew  -  just like your mother  -  I was a goner," Peeta says. "Then for the next eleven years, I tried to work up the nerve to talk to you." "Without success," I add. "Without success. So, in a way, my name being drawn in the reaping was a real piece of luck," says Peeta. For a moment, I'm almost foolishly happy and then confusion sweeps over me. Because we're supposed to be making up this stuff, playing at being in love not actually being in love. But Peeta's story has a ring of truth to it. That part about my father and the birds. And I did sing the first day of school, although I don't remember the song. And that red plaid dress. there was one, a hand-me-down to Prim that got washed to rags after my father's death. It would explain another thing, too. Why Peeta took a beating to give me the bread on that awful hollow day. So, if those details are true. could it all be true? "You have a. remarkable memory," I say haltingly. "I remember everything about you," says Peeta, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "You're the one who wasn't paying attention." "I am now," I say. "Well, I don't have much competition here," he says. I want to draw away, to close those shutters again, but I know I can't. It's as if I can hear Haymitch whispering in my ear, "Say it! Say it!" I swallow hard and get the words out. "You don't have much competition anywhere." And this time, it's me who leans in. Our lips have just barely touched when the clunk outside makes us jump. My bow comes up, the arrow ready to fly, but there's no other sound. Peeta peers through the rocks and then gives a whoop. Before I can stop him, lie's out in the rain, then handing something in to me. A silver parachute attached to a basket. I rip it open at once and inside there's a feast  -  fresh rolls, goat cheese, apples, and best of all, a tureen of that incredible lamb stew on wild rice. The very dish I told Caesar Flickerman was the most impressive thing the Capitol had to offer. Peeta wriggles back inside, his face lit up like the sun. "I guess Haymitch finally got tired of watching us starve." "I guess so," I answer. But in my head I can hear Haymitch's smug, if slightly exasperated, words, "Yes, that's what I'm looking lot, sweetheart."
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